You know you're gay when...

▪ You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.

▪ You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.

▪ You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.

▪ No one expects you to kiss and not tell.

▪ You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.

▪ You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.

▪ You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home and on your computer.

▪ Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men’s locker room.

▪ Your pets always have great names.

▪ Nobody expects you to change a tire.

▪ You know how to get a waiter’s attention.

▪ At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.

▪ You are, hands down, your nephew’s and nieces’ favorite uncle.

▪ You get to choose your family.

▪ You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way he holds his drink.

▪ You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.

▪ You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.

▪ You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.

▪ You’ve always got an opinion, and don’t mind sharing it.

▪ You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

▪ You know how to “air kiss”.

▪ You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having… and the perfect excuse to give people who ask where you’ve been for two weeks.

▪ You know how to dress strategically.

▪ You know when to move out and move on.

▪ You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in high school.

▪ You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.

▪ You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t necessarily an insult.

▪ You wouldn’t buy someone a mug for their birthday.

▪ You know which wine to bring.

▪ Sales clerks don’t mess with you.

▪ You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.

▪ You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.

▪ You’ve just about defeated the accent you were born with.

▪ You know the way to a man’s heart is not necessarily through his stomach.

▪ You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

▪ You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.

▪ You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

▪ You have the latest International Male catalog.

▪ You wouldn’t dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.

▪ You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.