Finally some FUN!

My friend Adriana and I have been working together for a little over a year now, and last Friday we decided to hang out together (I think for the first time). Last Friday we agreed on going out and talk about our sentimental issues… Anyway I go to her house to pick her up but she was still working in one of her MANY projects and side jobs, we just started talking here and there, drinking here and there hehehe oh! And for the first time I had a Japanese beer… oh yeah!! Hehehe

My friend Adriana working really hard LOL!

Like a lot of you know, I’m not really used to going out late at night and coming back home early in the morning…. Hmm of the next day!... so I got to her house around 9:00 pm but we ended up leaving her house around 11:00 pm by this time her roommate and long time friend Carmen had joined us.

So we started by going to this cool lounge named “Ole”, I must say that I think it’s the first time I go to a straight lounge/bar here in Chicago… little did I know, I really had a good time… straight people are not that bad after all! LOL Just KIDDING! LOL no but really the ambience was nice, and people would just come up to us and talk which was good… I know that me being a little borracho made things a lot better hehehe but anyways was nice…

Japanese beer "Kirin Ichiban"

After staying for over an hour there Carmen then has the great idea of going to another bar and so we decided to go to Spin for a bit… there was more drinking, more talking, and some singing to Madonna tunes hehehe I’m so gay! LOL We knew it was time to leave when they turned the lights on and kind of escorted us to the door… by then we were having such a good time that we then decided to go to Charlie’s… oh ladies and gents… That was the best part of the night! I danced, I sang, I kept dancing, I met all of my (now official) friend’s friends… it was nice… there was also a funny incident there… I was just taking a break from dancing when someone suddenly pulls me to the side and there was this super drunk lady hehehe she starts yelling really out loud… ARE YOU GAY??? And I was like… duh! LOL but I wasn’t mean or anything… and she kept asking are sure you are gay?? So I just started laughing… I told her yeah I am gay, and then she is like NO WAY!!! I cannot believe it you don’t look gay!! I don’t really know why she was so surprised about it but it really was funny the way she was yelling… well at least I thought it was funny… I loved the music they were playing and everything was nice…

Sooo after we decided to leave it was time to get some yummy hot dogs and then home… It was 4:30 am by the time I was parking my car in front of my house hehehe and that’s the story…

It sucks to be me!

What’s going on?? I don’t know… Did I do something terribly wrong in a previous life and now I’m paying back?? I don’t know… but then what??
Last week was hard, with all of the things that are happening in my personal life, and then to that you add the following:

I keep having serious bad arguments with my mother like never before… on one of the arguments we had I felt like I was coming out of the closet AGAIN! Having to explain myself the reason of all my doings, I mean what am I, 13? I know and she keeps saying that she only wants the best for me, but seriously telling me to go back to being unhappy I’m sure it’s not the best… That’s exactly the reason what I decided to leave… I’ve been thinking and trying to make another BIG decision, I’m looking an apartment to move to the north side with a roommate or alone. I don’t know if it’s only me trying to run from all of the problems or I’m just tired of people trying to make things more difficult including my mother who at this moment I know she is against my doing.

I had a flat tire I know it is my fault because I knew that it had a big nail stuck and it keep loosing air pressure… because I didn’t take care soon enough well.. flat tire was the result…

There were some other issues at work about my salary something that also stresses me but I will say more about it on a later time…

I have good friends and I know they are with me… I know I had disagreements with some but I don’t want to loose you, I need you, if sometimes I act stupid (something not to normal on me) it’s only because I don’t know how to react, because I’m trying really hard to be myself again… Saturday was great, got to see a show on Navy Pier and distract myself a little from everything going on, I know it could have been better, but right now I feel that I can’t push my luck…

Sunday morning… good morning and bad news… I was getting ready to go buy groceries for my lunch during the week when I got to my car that was parked not far from my house and to my surprise someone broke my window and stole not only my car stereo, but the panel with the air conditioning system controls. I was kind of shock, pissed, mad, and filled with anger (you get the point)… Of course I had to ask to myself… why me??? Seriously?? should I expect more??… because lately I feel like nothing is going like it is suppose to…

So, did I have a good week? I don’t know… hhmm no? what about the weekend?… yeah for a bit but then back to the same… I’m serious when I say that it sucks to be me right now…

Understanding...

It’s been some time now, I been wanting to write something but every time I start, this pain like stake in my chest appears making my body ache and my face sweat. I don’t know how many times I’ve been trying to release all of the feelings I have inside and cry as never before but it only hurts more. Everyday I ask for forgiveness for every pain I caused, for every misfortune, and for every tear, hoping that sometime soon all is going to come as closer to normal as before, and that we all be smiling again and remembering the good moments and times we had. I’m still in pain, and I’m still suffering but I need to be clear and stand for all of my decisions, I need to feel that I’m still alive, I need to know that I’m made of like every human in the world because for some time... I forgot what it was to feel…