tired

even tho no one reads this I juts wanna bitch! hehehe
I am tired, feel lonely (one of those nights) I don't have a reason to feel lonely but I think I have some type of depression of middle age madness lol anyway...
today my brain found itself trying to figure out what's my goal in life, why am I here? what am I doing? and I hope I start making some sense soon...
also, I work in a very interesting place... I mean VERY interesting place, where it seems most everyone have some "type of issues" their own, big personalities, moods changing by the hour etc... sigh I am going crazy... all I want is work, work and not worry about you and if I offended you...
my back hurts... I think I'm developing alcoholism, Im drinking a lot.... tequila... it makes me feel more relaxed... sigh
anywho... yeah...

stop and stare

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see


They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

It has been a really long time ( I think I said that last time) but this time it really has been. Since I posted something on here...
I am definitely going to make it a habit of me posting, writing, and just re-start my love for venting on blogger. hehehe i mean if there is no other way of doing things i don't why not?
Besides my life is pretty interesting sometimes to not write it somewhere and then come back months later and laugh about...
It also might sound sad, be it is not. I mean I know I'm not alone but sometimes it pretty darn feels like I am.
Nowadays "true friends" are hard to find. and I mean I have had some pretty harsh things done by people I thought were my friends and at the end i come to find out they are not...
I have the iPhone app "Path" and there is this guy that bitches about every single thing all the time, and is just blah blah blah after blah!
I dont wanna be mean but its true and sometimes i just get tired of it... i thin is ok to do it in blogs (like me) HA! but not in a social network app where it seems like all you are asking is attention and pity... sigh... thats it.. I am a bitch... anyways... HI!! there will be more to come... :D

Finally!

I'm so happy there's finally an app for blogger! I'll be able to blog away now!

I am number 76

important

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Remember the '3' steps, STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster.
The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions :

S * Ask the individual to SMILE ..
T * = TALK. Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (eg 'It is sunny out today').
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS .

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call the ambulance and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

NOTE : Another 'sign' of a stroke is
1. Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue.
2. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.

Travis Mccoy – We’ll Be Alright Lyrics

We are young, we run free

Stay up late, we don't sleep


Got our friends, got the night

Well be alright


Tonight you wont be by your self-self

Just leave your problems on the shelf-shelf

You wont wanna be nowhere else-else

So lets go, so lets go (we got the club like)


and all the girls sayin ooo

the whole world sayin ooo

yeah, yeah, come on lets

Get drunk, toast it up, we dont give a fuck


We are young, we run free

Stay up late, we dont sleep

Got our friends, got the night

Well be alright


Throw our hands in the air

Pretty girls everywhere

Got our friends, got the night

Well be alright

F'd up!

Things finally got a little bit out of line, out of control, or just out of place… however you want to call it (sigh) it’s been soo long since I felt this way.

I remember when I started writing on this blog was because it was the only way I could get things of my chest before they drove me crazy. After that (when I stopped doing it) my friends “circle” grew and I found other ways of getting frustrations out etc.

Well now I am at the point when I feel like I cannot tell anyone anything without being worry that they are going to stabbed me on the back! Talking about being paranoid, wassup with that!?

Then I start having nightmares about demons following me trying to get me and it only goes back to one thing… I gotta effing stop thinking too much about it… I trusted someone, got to love him, thought he was my friend, back stabbed me (real bad), I caught him, and he goes like nothing in the world happen…

What would you do in this situation? Am I just making a big deal out of nothing? Am I being a drama queen?? What the F!? not even a sorry… woah… nice…

Sigh…

Rolo, out!

I got my camera BACK!!! YAY!!!

Andrea P.

IM VERY EXCITED!

I'm very excited to share with you that "Schmap Chicago Guide" used one of my photos for their online publication... The photo was chosen among hundreds submitted...

CLICK HERE TO SEE...

AND now it's the FLU

Guy @ the local Jewel with a mask...

Ok so what the last thing that Mexican people on this country needs???

The answer: ONE MORE reason for people to start making bad, negative, racist comments against us…

Come on! Why is it on the human race to look for every little chance to be attacking one another?? It makes me… ugh! I don’t even know how to feel anymore…

Walking on the street two guys (forget the skin color) comment “I knew these Mexicans were going to bring something like this eventually”… are you for real? And of course FOX news Chicago can’t stop talking about how predominant “Hispanic” schools and communities are going to be affected… or that in predominant “Latino” places is were there is the more danger… there is only one thing I can say… PLEASE all of you… GET educated… GET informed… (sigh)

Today I start the change...

And the reason I am posting this horrendous picture of me, it's because I want to come and remind myself of the promise I made.... I am going to lo lose 40 lbs!! I WILL!!! (sigh)

Starting weight as of 04/21/09 255lbs

Note to self: Just remember how it is to be living in constant pain because of your weight... remember Rolo... :o)

2009 already!?

Oh boy, it has been almost five months hasn’t it?… Why did I wait so much to write something on here again? I don’t really know the answer, but I think I lost the inspiration for some time.

The important thing is that I’m back and with more energy, gossip, stories, pounds and happiness than ever hehehe I opened a Facebook account and I gotta accept I became addicted to it (I know shame on me) but I promise to keep writing on here more often…

On the meantime here it’s a mini update of things that have occurred and maybe you need to be aware of:

Victor and I are living together (yeah, you read that right) lol! And I gotta say that I have been sooo in love and happy with him in the last few months. Our communication has improved a lot, there are no more trust issues for now (hopefully it will keep being like that).

My mom it’s getting healthier everyday and keeps recovering from the heart attack she had last year (I’m so glad she is doing better)

My three pooches are doing great, and I am still in love with my wonderful Ita (best dog I ever had, after Bonnie hehehe)

I’m still working a lot and I developed a close relationship with my assistant Andrea, she has demonstrated that it is ok to be a kid sometimes and still have the professionalism and seriousness for work hehehe did I write that correct?? Hehehe anyways I love her…

I have also developed a closer relationship with my bear-friends and also made some new ones. You guys continue to rock my world! I still believe that friends are a fundamental part of your life…

There have been some gains and some losses but at the end, we are gonna make it through and everything will be better than ever…

until the next... peace out! XO

First text blogging... Lets see how this goes =)

A little XMAS spirit

Going through my facebook account I found out that there is a group of "bear" guys in a band call "Bear Force One", their videos are really funny to me and I though I would share two of them... here they are!

Words words…

I’m waiting on the “words” or thoughts come to mind… I can’t, is like there is so much I wanna say, but at the same time I cannot describe it.
Too much going on man! It just reminds me when I told my friend Donald… “I think I need to be exorcised” one thing over another, and then another, and then another… non-stop… it’s like I’m finally going to breathe get a little gasp of air… but then…. There it is… it’s like someone is saying in a sinister cynical way “you? Trying to relax? Ha ha ha forget it!”
Just think about it, recalling some of the things…

1st my relationship was in jeopardy

2nd I hurt my back, neck and muscles… was in pain for a few months

3rd the car is gone

4th my mom gets a heart attack and stays on the hospital for a week

5th I’m involved in a car crash and it’s my fault

Latest… ita gets hurt (don’t know how) but after coming from work I found her with a somewhat bad puncture like wound…

Right now at this very moment… im dizzy, my head hurts, speechless… tonight, im going to pray like never before… I feel lost… I need help…. Am I going crazy?

(sigh) ... Here I am

I feel like this is year is going event faster than the last. I remember yesterday was spring and tomorrow is winter again (if you know what I mean)… Every beginning of the year I keep telling myself the same thing “this year it’s going to be better” and then Fazzz!! Things happen. September… oh my… dear September… I feel like I have been working a lot in different special projects, and a lot of the time I feel underappreciated…

I thought August would be the last busy month for me but I was very wrong! On Sep, as some of you know I worked and fundraised money for our organization and that was just a lot of pledging preparing and coordinating for the AIDS walk, which was not the only big and “special” project I was working for, besides the AIDS walk, there was the open house a week after the walk. And then comes October with a big gift! Let’s make SURVEYS everybody! (I have to coordinate four people including me to do 400 health related surveys) and finally because of my BIG mouth the haunted house… (sigh) Some other things not good happened… Do you remember her?? She was supposed to have gone to a good house, I knew the person that had her and she was nice and even gave me the feeling that my baby was going to be in great hands… She even was the one that I was happy where she ended… but one never knows… After last month flooding around Desplaines I received a call from this person… First thing she says is… “Rolando, I’m afraid I can’t take care of “Osita” anymore” I asked what happened and she said her house got severely damaged by the flooding and that there was no way of her being able to have a pet anymore… she added that she didn’t have time because she went back to school and her kids were at school… blah blah blah…

I immediately without thinking about it, told her to just give her back to me that I would take care of her… I was super sad when I saw her for the first time since I gave her away… I really thought she was in good hands… Osita was, super skinny, wouldn’t trust people (bit me four times), was full of lice, oh man… in general in bad shape… Almost a month after she is one of the most loving, caring, and sweet dogs. (With a little twist lol!) I think she is getting used to us, and to the way Candy and Bonnie are trained now…
Osa doesn’t bite anymore (only barks a lot!) and she is getting healthier by the minute hehehe my intentions where to find a loving home for her (or at least try to) but mom is super attached to her now and she wants to keep her… oh well our family just got bigger hehehe

Talking about my mother… Three weeks ago she gave me the scare of my life. All started with her complaining with a discomfort on the left side of her chest and she would complain of running out of air sometimes… she also mentioned that this “thing” she was feeling was mostly at night…
First we didn’t think that she had nothing serious but three days past and the discomfort grew to pain and she started to not get sleep at night… on night six she woke with a super strong pain that made her cry and that’s when I knew something was seriously wrong… she has been taking strong pain medicine for her arthritis and other conditions she has, at first I thought she was having a reaction or something… poor my mom didn’t sleep that night because she said she was afraid one: of the pain and because it came stronger while she was sleeping and two: because she was afraid she wouldn’t wake up. Well first thing in the morning a called the doctors office and made an appointment. When at the doctor he told us that we shouldn’t be there, that at my mom’s age chest pains are only to be taken seriously… and that’s when I started to get more anxious and worry about what was going on, the doc immediately sent us to an emergency room, I thought everything was going to be alright and it was going to be nothing serious, my mom was even arguing with me because she didn’t want to go to the hospital for several reasons… but there was something inside of me that wanted to know what was going on…
Well we went to the hospital and as soon as we were in the registration room and the nurse was checking her blood pressure everything went like a flash! They (nurses) got me out of the room, put my mom on a wheel chair and took her in the ER right away… … … now… as I’m writing this I’m realizing how affected I’m still are by this… I’ don’t know if you have ever felt like this but… the feeling of strange people taking your most beloved being on the world away without knowing what’s happening, it’s horrible… I admit it! I am a chicken for these things…
I cannot and will not ever be ready to loose someone I love so much, specially my mom. One of the nurses told me that I had to wait at least 15 minutes before I could go in to see my mom to the ER room the put her in. 45 minutes passed and they wouldn’t let me in, until I for the 100th time asked them to please let me in to see her… The whole experience was just a nightmare… we were told my mom was having a heart attack and that her condition was serious and she had to go through some tests to see if her heart was having other problems…

The next day she had an Angiogram but it turns out that right there the doctors found one of her major arteries almost completely blocked and they had to intervene immediately… The diagnosis was Coronary Artery disease. My mom stayed six days at the hospital due to some complications but now, I am SO SO SO grateful to have her home. Things like this really make you realize how you most of the time if not always, take life for granted… One thing is for sure… we spend much more time together now… and I love it hehehe

Thanks for reading, and again I really wanna thank my friends for being there for me… this specific event in my life made me appreciate you even more, my love, my gratitude, and my unconditional friendship will always be yours… Peace! Sincerely, Rolando

Random Pics!

Dealing with LSD traffic everyday gives me headaches!

Music is the only thing after photography that helps me relax...

I wanna get better at taking photos... I love photography...

AIDS Walk Chicago... Sponsor ME!

I will be participating in the 2008 AIDS Run & Walk Chicago. Please support my efforts by making a pledge or joining me to stomp out AIDS on Saturday, September 20, 2008 at this critical event in Grant Park. By making a pledge to me, you help support more than 150 Chicagoland organizations including CENTRO ROMERO whose work is so critical in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

All you have to do is visit the following link to make you contribution: Click here

Thank you in advance for your support and your generosity. Because of you, I am on my way to accomplishing my personal fundraising goal and helping the AIDS Foundation of Chicago net $500,000 for AIDS Run & Walk Chicago 2008.

Sincerely,

Rolando Renteria
www.centroromero.org

Numero FOUR!!!

and last number four!
Monday! I was part (just walked) on a pro peace and anti violence march organized by the youth program of where I work, and let me tell you it was pretty cool… Kids 6 to 12 years of age walked the streets of Rogers Park chanting, singing, screaming, however you want to call it, asking for peace, no war, no gangs, and keeping families together. It was a great but exhausting experience (I am totally out of shape)…

Who wants one?

Emily and Yuri

"WAR Down"

Oh yeah don't doubt it... I was so freaking tired!!

can't believe not even the kids complained...
shame on me!! LOL